Welcome to my life,

I'm starting to feel like I might be treading water instead of drowning. Hopefully it keeps up though, I always have that feeling where its all going good... until I fall flat on my face. 

I shake and I quiver,

but I know I can't run,

I've got things to do, 

as I come undone.

My mind is jumbled,

I won't be outdone,

my life rushes past,

as I come undone.

Yelling, screaming, fighting,

the battle's just begun,

I won't go down easily,

as I come undone.

Their tears and their sorrows, 

I must be the one,

so save everybody,

as I come undone.

I look into the mirror,

and see what I've become,

I know what I look like, 

as I come undone. 

I wrote that awhile ago. Not too great, a lot of sloppy rhyming, but that meant a lot to be at the time. 

Also, blogger is becoming a hassle already.. Or really, my sister who keeps nagging me to post is. Boo, you whore. ♥

We're going down, down...

If you can't control your temper; you sure as hell aren't going to control me..


Do you ever get that feelings that you are so out of control of your own life, and that nothing you can do will help you claim it back? That's the nagging pain in my head, the squirm in my stomach, the story of my life.


When you have completely given yourself over to someone, put your happiness in their hands, what do you have left? What are you supposed to cling to when they leave you alone? I can't find a foothold on the walls to slow myself down before I hit the bottom. It's like the old axiom "Don't let me fall for you, unless you're ready to catch me." It seems like that really should have been applied here. Am I wrong to ask for respect? Am I wrong to want patience? Maybe it's my hopes of people that need to change.


So, I grew up believing in love. Sort of. My family is a very split family, with 7 kids split between 10 parents; yeah, its a long story. Anyways, I never was into fairytales, but as a child I read way too many cheesy novels. Girl meets boy, hates him, learns some deep amazing thing, falls in love, they end up happily ever after. That's how I expected real life to work. I wanted the world to fall into orbit when I fall in love. I want to literally imprint on my soul mate. This hope always lead me to shut guys down, or just lie to myself. I always knew the man I would marry would be extraordinary, so why in the world was I wasting all my time with these ordinary boys in my high school? I need him to be strong enough to hold me when I cry, sweet enough to wipe the tears, silly enough to make me laugh through the pain in the world, and even sarcastic enough to put up with me. I need a prince, or at least my version. Anytime I seem to think that I've found him, I get my hopes up, and they keep getting let down.


I need you to be here for me, all the time. I need to be able to depend on you. You made me fall, and I need to know I'm not going to hit the floor. You made us best friends, so I need to be able to talk to you about things that are bothering me, even if you are one of them. I need to know that your love is unconditional, irreversible, and will follow me wherever. Respect me for me, my choices, my shortcomings, and my fears. 


I love you; 
     I need you to love me.

Hello, world.

I've given into the stereotypical teenage passtime- I'm going to try blogging. Facebook is somehow not satisfying for whining about my life anymore. Hopefully, I will be able to post something interesting, so I don't bore everyone. Be prepared for a daily dose of sarcasm, cynicism, and pessimism. ☺